


Mad World

by chloebeale



Category: Pitch Perfect (2012)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-01-27 21:14:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1722743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chloebeale/pseuds/chloebeale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The stress is getting to be too much for Aubrey and to top it off she is in love with her best friend. Aubrey thinks it would be easier if she just died. Can Chloe show her life is worth living?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mad World

Aubrey felt like the entire world was piled on her shoulders. Between the pressures of her pre-law degree and running the Bellas, she was busy most of the time. She spent hours on homework, poring over law journals, her eyes glazing over—and she spent hours teaching and tweaking routines, criticizing her friends on their errors. She knew that she came across as a bitch, but she couldn’t help it. It was important to her to be honest and to be the best. She needed to win nationals, this was her last chance to prove to her father that this “silly little singing thing” was important and worthy of his attention. Aubrey had actually gotten him to agree to come to nationals, so all they needed was to get there. She had faith that if they stuck to the tradition and worked hard that they’d push through all the talentless losers they were bound to come up against.

The rest of Aubrey’s time was split between working out and sleeping. She had to stay in good shape. She knew she ought to sleep more than she did, but she didn’t feel there was enough time in the day to waste lying in bed. Chloe, on the other hand, was frustratingly lazy. She always had less homework, sped through it quickly and STILL managed As. She didn’t accompany Aubrey to the gym on most days because it was “too early,” and she spent almost all of her free time either sleeping or over at that atrocious Beca girl’s dorm room. Aubrey definitely was not Beca’s biggest fan. The girl was insubordinate and downright rude, her surly attitude brought down the dynamic at practice and she was a distraction for Chloe. It was so obvious from the way the redhead looked at the freshman (a freshman, really, Chloe?) that she had a toner for her.

Ugh, just the way she spoke her name was enough to make bile come up in Aubrey’s throat. Chloe deserved much better than an immature, strangely attired underclassman—not that Aubrey would ever tell her that. She was painfully in love with her best friend, which, on top of everything else that was affecting her, was soul-crushing. Being around Chloe managed to be both the worst and best thing ever.

On one hand, Aubrey smiled so much around the positive, smiling friend of hers and they had a lot in common, watching girlie movies together or singing duets—she was thankful she had someone who stood by her side and understood, without fail, why she acted the way she did. She never jumped to conclusions about Aubrey’s actions or even challenged her—well, not until recently…that was Beca’s fault, too, screwing up the dynamic between them.

The worst part was how her stomach would drop when she saw Chloe touch Beca more than necessary, or how close she would get to her when they were speaking. At hood night, Aubrey swore that Chloe was going to kiss Beca, and she assumed Amy thought the same thing when she commented on the “lesbian in the group,” but it turned out she was just talking about Cynthia Rose. It wasn’t just seeing Chloe flirt with Beca that was hard, but it was knowing that Chloe had no inkling of her feelings. She couldn’t see the way Aubrey looked at her, or hear how her voice became softer when they spoke—she was blind to it all, and Aubrey would be damned if she ever told her. It was clear that Chloe didn’t return her feelings. She had been so excited to learn that the vivacious redhead liked the ladies, thinking that gave her a chance, but after all that she’d realized that just because Chloe liked girls didn’t mean she’d like her.

Aubrey was stuck, once again, not feeling good enough. She never measured up to her always perfect sister according to her father, and now she didn’t measure up to Beca, despite feeling that she was much better than she was. She wasn’t even sure what Chloe saw in Beca, but she was so vastly different from Aubrey that it gave her the final push into the realization that her best friend would never return her feelings.

Aubrey tried throwing herself into her work, but she couldn’t escape statements such as “I’m going to Beca’s” or “Beca said this” or “Beca and I did that.” It stung every time she heard it, and she could barely bring herself to even look at the Bella during their rehearsals, which was beginning to be a problem. It was tense and everyone felt it, though most of them probably chalked it up to Aubrey not liking Beca, which was true, but the reasoning…well, it was better that no one knew that.

Holding a secret like this for so long, not letting it slip to anyone about her feelings, proved to be difficult. It only added to the pressure she felt. When Beca started moving in on her Bellas territory, proving herself to be right, Aubrey decided maybe none of this was worth it.

She didn’t even like law—she was doing this for her father, who would probably never be proud of her. Beca was going to be the one to lead the Bellas to victory, not her, and Chloe would be by her side. Chloe wasn’t going to fall in love with Aubrey the way she’d always hoped she would. Instead Aubrey would be left alone, again, to deal with her failures. She would never be enough for her father, for Chloe, for herself.

Life would be easier for everyone if I was gone, she told herself as she took a particularly long shower. The hot water beating down on her tired body always seemed to help her in some way, but on this day, when everything seemed to be shit, even a shower didn’t help.

When she returned to her dorm room, various similar statements entered Aubrey’s mind. She sighed, turning the knob to her room and walking straight over to her bed, collapsing onto it with a thud. She hadn’t noticed Chloe, who was quietly sitting at her desk working on her homework.

“Are you okay?” her sweet voice rang out and Aubrey sat up, her cheeks blazoning red.

“Fine, I’m fine, I didn’t know you were even in here, sorry,” she apologized profusely.

Aubrey ran her hands through her damp hair, feeling Chloe’s uncertain gaze on her. Those blue eyes fixated on her always made butterflies roam in her stomach. She didn’t say anything else, looking down at the floor.

“Um, are you sure, you’ve been acting kind of—off—lately,” Chloe explained, “Not your usual self, I mean.”

The blonde nodded, reaching over for her iPod on the bedside table and putting her earbuds in her ears, effectively silencing Chloe and ending this conversation. She slid beneath the covers of her bed and pulled them up around her, the morose sound of Gary Jules’ Mad World playing in her ears. This song was her anthem right now.

Chloe, still sensing that something was wrong, felt guilty for not having noticed it earlier. Now that she thought about it, Aubrey had been acting strange for weeks now. She had practically pushed Chloe away, and she had no idea why she was doing so. Maybe her friend didn’t want to open up about what was bothering her, but it was no good letting things fester. Festering led down some very bad paths.

She put her pencil down and made her way over to Aubrey’s bed, moving in next to her and shimmying beneath the covers. Her best friend’s green eyes settled onto hers, an unreadable expression on her face—what could’ve been sadness, annoyance, frustration, maybe all three.

“What are you listening to?” Chloe wondered, pulling one of the earbuds from Aubrey’s ear and replacing it in her own.

She heard the song and listened to the lyrics, immediately realizing the state of mind that the girl must have been in to listen to something so depressing, when usually she listened to happy pop music most of the time. Ripping the earbud out of her ear, she grabbed Aubrey’s iPod from her hands.

“Hey!” the senior protested.

“Aubrey, don’t lie to me, what’s going on?” Chloe prompted, furrowing her brows and keeping the iPod firmly in her palm so that her friend didn’t attempt to wrestle it back from her grasp, “I’ve never seen you like this.”

“It’s nothing, okay? I’m just under a lot of pressure and I’ve been stressed lately, that’s all.”

“I’ve seen stressed Aubrey before. This isn’t stressed Aubrey. You seem depressed about something. What has you down, Bree? It’s not like you to be so moody and quiet,” the redhead noted gently.

“Yeah, okay, I’m unhappy. But it doesn’t matter why. I’ll get through it one way or another…”

“It does matter why. It matters to me, Aubrey. You matter to me,” she pleaded.

“You matter to me, too, Chloe, but honestly it’s better you don’t know what I’m upset over,” Aubrey told her with a sense of finality in her voice.

Chloe threw up her hands, admitting defeat.

“Okay, fine, you don’t want to tell me you don’t have to. But just know I’m here for you if you need me, and if I need to drop everything and we can have a girl’s night, I’d gladly do so. We can invite Beca, and…”

“I get that you guys are friends but I don’t really want to hang out with her if that’s okay.”

“I know you don’t like her, but if you just tried to get to know her, you’d—“

“Drop it, Chloe.”

“But—“

“I’m jealous of her, okay?!” Aubrey screeched, being brought to her breaking point.

She put her head in her hands to hide it from Chloe, so she wouldn’t have to see whatever look she was bound to give her. She didn’t want to answer the question she was anticipating next.

“Why? Because I’m spending time with her? Aubrey, you’re my best friend, you’ll always be my best friend. You know that. Beca’s my friend. You have other friends and I don’t get mad when you hang out with them,” Chloe replied defensively, crossing her arms to her chest.

“I don’t want to be your friend.”

“What…?” Chloe was hurt by the statement, taking it a different way than Aubrey had intended.

Hearing the hurt in her best friend’s voice, Aubrey pulled her head back up and looked at her, biting her lip. She reached for Chloe, grabbing onto her arm.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she said quietly.

“What did you mean, then, because what you said was pretty damn clear,” venom laced the ginger’s words.

“I meant that I don’t want to  _just_ be your friend. I…have more than platonic feelings for you, Chloe, and I can’t handle the way you act around Beca. Your crush is blatant, and it’s only a matter of time until the two of you start dating anyways and I just don’t want to be around to deal with that.”

“Oh,” Chloe murmured, taking in the words and trying to find an appropriate reaction to them, “For the record, Beca’s dating Jesse and is totally straight as far as I know. Nothing’s going on between us. And I want you around, always. You don’t get to leave me, okay? I need you too much.”

Aubrey had braced herself for the worst. While Chloe hadn’t returned her admission with a similar one, she hadn’t freaked out about it, either, which was a relief. She felt as if a weight had been lifted from her—the weight that had broken her down. She’d been dealing with everything else okay enough but having this huge secret on top of everything else had been the straw that had finally broken her back.

“I’m not going anywhere,” the blonde finally said, going against her better judgment and launching herself onto her friend, knocking her over on the bed.

“What are you doing?” Chloe asked with wide eyes.

“What I should have done years ago,” Aubrey stated boldly, her hands pushing Chloe’s against the bed.

She hovered above her for a moment before making the final push, her mouth colliding with Chloe’s. Snapping her eyes shut she kissed her with everything she had, hoping for the best this time. If only Chloe could see how much she needed her, wanted her _, loved_  her.

When she finally regained her senses, Aubrey rolled off of her friend, realizing she’d just been very forceful in her actions. Chloe was still lying there, her eyes fluttering open, a stunned look on her face.

“I’m so sorry,” Aubrey apologized for the second time that afternoon, “I don’t know what came over me.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Chloe’s words escaped the lips that, moments ago, had been on Aubrey’s.

She’d wanted to kiss her for so long that the moment had been almost unbelievable. Of course kissing her was different from being kissed of Chloe’s own accord, but her lips had felt soft and perfect beneath her own. Aubrey had never felt that swell inside of her chest before and she craved more of that sensation. She wasn’t entirely sure if she would ever feel it again.

“I shouldn’t have forced myself on you like that. You’re my best friend, I should know better, and it was horrible of me to do something so…out of line. I really am sorry, I promise, it won’t happen again,” Aubrey pleaded.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“What?”

Chloe crossed the bed and brought herself in a sitting position, her fingers curling around Aubrey’s.

“You’re not as alone as you might think, Aubrey,” she murmured, squeezing her hand lightly, “I’ve had feelings for you for a long time. Since the day I met you, really, and I pegged you as…” Chloe laughed at the recollection, “as the wound-too-tight straight girl who would kick my ass if she knew the dirty thoughts I’d had about her. You’re not exactly readable, babe. If I’d known—well—let’s say that the past four years would have been a lot more interesting…”

“You…have…feelings for me?” Aubrey couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Is that so unheard of?” Chloe grinned, pressing her lips to the blonde’s cheek.

“Yes,” she admitted, “I’m too messed up to love.”

“Well I know that’s not true, cause I love you,” the redhead argued, dropping down to kiss her on the lips this time.

“Wait, do you mean that in a friend way or…”

Silencing her with another kiss, Chloe pressed her down onto the bed this time, her hands on Aubrey’s shoulders. When she pulled away she gazed down at her with a whimsical grin.

“I love you in every single way possible,” she whispered into her ear, placing a kiss on her neck that made her shiver, “I love how passionate you are about every aspect of your life, how you never back down, how you make me better just by being around me, I love the way you say my name, the way you let loose when you drink, the way you sing your heart out even when no one’s listening. I love rubbing circles on your back to calm you down, holding your hair back when you get sick, and I definitely won’t ever get enough of this kissing you thing.”

As she told her this, Chloe kissed her lips once again for good measure, running her tongue along her bottom lip before letting it explore her mouth. She could feel Aubrey pressing against her desperately, her hands resting on her hips, her leg slipping between her thighs.

“Aubrey,” her voice was husky as she spoke her name, suddenly overcome with sensuality at the sensation of the other woman’s leg resting between hers, dangerously close to her center.

“Yes, Chloe?” Aubrey panted, not used to furious kisses such as these.

“I want you so much,” the words came out as a whine and Aubrey smirked, moving her leg and brushing her knee against where she knew Chloe had suddenly grown very warm.

“Me, too.”

All her worries were forgotten along with their clothes on the floor, mouths on mouths, mouths on skin, fingers and tongues sliding, thrusting, sounds of pleasure spilling from their open lips. Aubrey had never felt so loved, so wanted in her life, and she would never grow used to this feeling—she certainly didn’t want it, or Chloe, to leave her any time soon.

 


End file.
